Color Me Kris: love

Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

For this episode of Thursday Thoughts 5 randomly selected (love) quotes were shown to 5 individuals (myself included). Each person was then asked if they agree, disagree, or believe there is a gray area to the message. Who's thoughts do you relate to the most?

Person 1: "For the most part I absolutely agree. If you have no kids, or other familial obligations such as marriage, I say run, run like there's no tomorrow into the 2nd persons arms. Because I believe that is where your heart is...however if the former is true, there is much more to consider. In this case I say stay put a little longer, weigh things out. If there is even the slightest pullback. Remain where you are a little longer. Either you will come to your senses, or you will quickly realize you're miserable. At this point, you'll be in a different mindset (fuck it mode) and you will just make whatever obligations work in a new way. If you don't reach fuck it mode, I won't judge you. Just go and put Luther Vandross on repeat "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

Person 2: "I disagree, because sometimes the relationship is still there. It could be a time period where there is a struggle, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are out of love with the person. It does, however, make it easier for someone else to make an entrance."

Person 3: "I somewhat agree. It could also be the 80/20 rule. Meaning, You will never find someone who is 100% of everything you want in a partner. No one is perfect. However, most people do find about 80% of what they want in the person they choose to settle down with and marry. The person could be missing qualities like being able to cook, hating PDA, or not sharing in your music interest. Then you come across someone who loves to cook, wants the whole world to see your affection, and is an artist of all sorts. So this could easily be seen as the person you should be with, that's where most people go wrong. They don't look at the bigger picture. That person has 20% of what you're missing, that's it. The other has 80. Never leave 80 for 20."

Person 4: "I think you should never entertain the second one because you cannot fix issues in your house by going outside it. If you were happy enough at any point to believe that the first one was your soul mate you should fight for it...However if you never fully loved the first person whole heartedly then that's why the second person exists..."

Person 5: "I agree. if, you were in love with the first person you wouldn't have allowed yourself to put in enough energy to fall in love with the second one."

Person 1: "I disagree, you can definitely spend a lot of time with someone, sleep in the same bed and fall in love. Now staying in love, you need the latter for that."

Person 2: "I don't know if sleeping in the same bed was a prelude to sex specifically, but, I feel that even though sex is a very important part of a relationship, there is so much more to being in love and binding people. So I agree."

Person 3: "I somewhat agree. People fall in love for different reasons, sharing a bed and being around a person can be enough to learn to love them. It doesn't have to be because you trust each other, you can love someone and not trust them..."

Person 4: "I do believe that in due time any two people will grow to love each other. If you spend endless nights together you will end up loving them."

Person 5: "I agree you don't fall in true love just by sleeping together. And yes, I agree it has to be a similar foundation and somewhat of the same dreams."

Person 1: "Sadly, I agree. Because from my life experience, I've been in love at times with people I shouldn't have, or couldn't be romantically involved with (openly) for one reason or another. That doesn't change the fact that these people still enriched my life in an unforgettable way. One in particular, I know for sure, I wouldn't be the person I am today, had I not loved them."

Person 2: "Umm, I think I disagree with that. I feel like love is the strongest, most powerful emotion. As long as it is felt mutually, it should be fought for."

Person 3: "That plays into whether or not you believe in fate, if fate brought you two together despite the odds then fate will keep you two together. But if you stumble upon one another and fall in love, the only reason you wouldn't be together is, you two don't share the same love."

Person 4: "I don't know about this...I think it's timing. I felt I was in love many times. As I get older I question those relationships a lot. Some had to have been lust. Either that or I'm one of those crazy in love type of girls. I fall hard and fast and I hate it. I definitely wasn't meant to be with those exes. I can't believe I even thought I could. I was out of my mind."

Person 5: "That's true, just because you fell in love with them doesn't mean they are going to benefit you in other ways, it just doesn't mean that's the one you're suppose to be with, simply because you fell in love with them."

Person 1: "I completely disagree, however right after I said that, I begin to think a little more complex. I do feel I love my exes more than that of a friend (meaning exes I was in love with). However, out of respect for current/future relationships I consciously make the decision to keep those relationships platonic. If I wanted to cross the line, it is certainly there to cross."

Person 2: "I somewhat agree. I think that human nature just has an automatic assumption that something is going on if two people remain friends. More common than not, there usually is some inappropriateness going on. However, I disagree that if they were in a previous relationship, and are now friends, that they were never in love."

Person 3: "There's a saying: Friends before lovers forever, and lovers before friends never. I think it depends on the people, you can still love that person and not be in love with them anymore."

Person 4: "Two people that broke up could never be friends! Hell no. Trust me I know this for a fact. Don't fall for it."

Person 5: "I don't think they can be friends and if they are, something is still there."

Person 1: "The keyword is truly. If true love is there, two people can absolutely focus on one another. In this day and age there are so many ways to stay connected. Add with a little creativity, this can actually be pretty cool."
Person 2: " I agree. Even though distance wears on a relationship, I think its very hard, and not for the faint at heart. I also feel with love, effort, and constant communication (and tons of sexy video clips), you can make it work.

Person 3: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but too much of a good thing, really isn't a good thing."

Person 4: "Distance nor time can separate two people in love. The heart will endure and wait. It may sin and be weak in its dark moments, but love is everlasting."

Person 5: "True. If they are in true love, it won't."

**{A little about the interviewees: All were women, ranging in age from 20-40. With a very diverse relationship background.}. **
Did you agree with one person more? Have a mixture of agreements? Is your view completely different? Sound off in the comments we'd love to hear your perspective!

Earlier this month I wrote a post on how to write a love letter.

I was in the middle of writing one to my wife. It didn't come out as mushy as I hoped. Haha maybe I'm not as romantic as I thought. However it was 4 pages long on paper.
I gave it to her on Valentine's day, she waited til she was away from me to read it (at work). She texted and said I read my letter and it was very touching. She doesn't speak out much, so that was actually big for her. So maybe it did make some sort of impact. That's all that counts.

Anyway, I wanted to share it with you guys:

Hello my love,

It's Valentine's Day! Or as you refer to it: The day of hopeless romantics, day dreamers, and those who believe in fairy tales...Sure our fairytale is a bit unconventional (like prince charming, being a princess), but as you know, I'm whole-heartedly a believer. What I'm trying to say is, you've bought something magical to my life, that wasn't there before (insert singing tea kettle), and this letter is long overdue.

I remember the day we met, you strolled into my classroom, feet dragging, shoe laces untied. You were wearing those fresh wheat Timbs, that had me drooling...my God they were so sexy on you!

We became friends, but there was was this undeniable chemistry we both felt, a connection so powerful we had to come up with our own word. Dessesbo. Obsessed spelled backwards. Before we knew it we were throwing our current lovers out and building a relationship of our own (see, unconventional at its finest) :)

Baby do you remember our first Valentine's day? It was the first holiday we shared together, (before all the crazy stuff) we had only been dating maybe 3 weeks at the most. At that point, all I knew was that you liked dolphins. I had no idea what to get you, but I knew I wanted to do more than a teddy bear and balloons. I wanted to personalize your gift. Dolphins...Jessica and I walked that packed mall the entire day, in and out of every single store and couldn't find anything suitable as a gift, with dolphins on it.

We were about to call it a night when we spotted one last store we hadn't gone in. It was actually a store I'd never even seen, kind of strange, but what the heck. We took a look around, nothing caught our eye. We walked to the back of the store and on the bottom shelf sat a lamp, a dolphin lamp. I squealed in excitement and she looked at me like I was crazy. Clearly all my logical thinking was out of the window at this point. I said ”Its dolphins she'll love it”! I smiled ear to ear, proudly handing over my $80 dollars for this small lamp with 2 fish on it.

The next morning, I bought my gift over to you, and to my surprise you handed me a gift first. It was an silver Burberry watch and some expensive perfume. My heart started raising, I wasn't expecting something of this caliber, being our relationship was so new. I was now traumatized to hell about giving you my gift.

I reluctantly handed you the gift bag and you pulled out the lamp. You looked it over, smiled and said “Thanks, that's sweet.” I knew in the back of my mind you hated it, but you never showed it. You said you'd plug it in when you got home. Face palm moment, I hope you have a spare light bulb.

That was a decade ago today. I've conjured up many more emotionally impelled decisions since then. But you've been there to guide me through the worst of them and support me through the not so crazy, crazy ones (like the obsessively transforming our bonus room into a bed and breakfast, then a childcare center, then a photography studio).

You've encouraged me and helped me grow in countless ways. One of them, when I was terrified to ride on the interstate. You comforted me and assured me it wasn't nearly as bad as it seemed. You took time out several days in a row, making unnecessary trips to my job, just so I could tail you on the interstate, learn the route and feel safe and at ease.

I am capable, more confident, and more driven than at any other point in my life and I that is largely because of you.

I admire your hard work and dedication, how you provide for our family, and how you don't seem to fear anything and even if you do, you push through it courageously.

Fairy tales may not exist, but love sure makes a difference in the world and you and our family make all the difference in my life. Every time I lay eyes on you, I see a remarkable woman with so many dimensions-those of strength, courage, and loyalty.

Baby I can't wait to finish raising our family, then setting out together on our traveling adventures. Vegas here we come!! Happy Valentine's day to the lady that is the best part of my past and all of my future.

Love you forever,

Kris

I recently shared a post about mastering "we" in a marriage. Today I wanted to share with you a quick story of how my wife used the art of "we" to her advantage.

Kenya took the day off and whispered she had a surprise for me. I smiled but the wheels in my head where hard at work, cause I ain't married to a "surprise you" kind of gal. Don't worry, I took the liberty of notifying my sisters if they hadn't heard from me by days end, to come looking for me.

They of course just chuckled.

A surprise, a call in from work, and a drive to Nashville? No freaking way! We stay about 45mins outside of the city but because of the heavy traffic she despises going in the area. I keep my composure and enjoy the ride.

We eventually pull into a car lot. Now I'm really confused. We have two perfectly working SUVs (a Cadillac Esclade and a Nissan Armada). We also have a 3rd vehicle that we use if necessary. She motions for me to come on and we step out of the car. A gentleman immediately drives up in a black on black Mercedes Benz (scream!) and hands my wife the keys "Here's your car."

What the heck?!

"Baby, I thought we could get something comfortable for our trips to Virginia and for us to drive around in when just you and I go out."

Say Whaaaaaaaa... Aye, ok, ok!

My first reaction: pure excitement. My next thought: we soooo don't need this. But she's had this twinkle in her eye that melts me instantly (that and the fact I have a huge crush on black on black cars). I could sense she really wanted this. I asked a few questions, the paperwork was signed and just like that we were off.

Who drove the Mercedes home from the lot?

Her.

WE got a new car.

We drove up to Georgia on Saturday to witness my daughter and her fiance take their wedding vows. And by we I mean me, my wife and 4 kids. It was one hell of a ride! By the time we got there we were all ready to grab each other by the throats, and squeeze until someones head popped off.

It was a beautiful intimate ceremony held at a sunset near a lake. I'm still in shock that my baby is someone's wife. But I am over the moon for her and her (choking on my drink as I type this) husband. Wow.
It was slightly awkward meeting him for the first time, on the same day he was marrying my daughter. But with the family I have I suppose crazier things have happened. I've put my faith in God and said a silent prayer (or 10), that this young man treats my daughter with respect and love and she treats him the same.

I must admit, I wasn't too sure of him in the beginning, but like fungus, he's grown on me. From the little I have gathered, he seems loving, has a good sense of humor, mild tempered and genuine. I'll admit as a mama, I'm gonna have my reserves...but I trust that I've raised my child to the best of my ability and believe she is fully capable of making a sound judgement call.
Cheers to my daughter and new son. Welcome to a family of nuts, Joe!

Here are some pictures from their big day:

I love the way his arm wraps around her as if protecting her. She looks so calm and peaceful. I love this image and hope that the way I feel about this photo sets the tone for their marriage.

A special moment they shared right before the ceremony.

The bride and groom with the bride's younger siblings.

The groom's BFF, the BFF's girlfriend, and the groom.

Ring and bouquet.

*Names have been changed to maintain privacy.

Love comes in many forms. It exists between partners, parents, children, siblings, and friends. Each being as unique as the persons involved.

To start the countdown to Valentine's Day, I am sharing with you a few excerpts from real love letters I've collected from men and women over the years.

Some of these passages contain happiness, others guilt or heartbreak; but all express true raw emotion to the person that they love.

Magnetic
“You know I have this pull…….and I mean FULL FORCE pull inside me that I fight every single day. It’s like I’m metal, and you’re a magnet. I want to be with you sooo bad…”

Under Construction
“It's funny you are knocking walls down as I'm trying to build them. I don't want to let anyone in. You can come over to visit but you can't go in my secret rooms, I'm building an indestructible fortress around those 4 chambers.”

Now or Never
“Sometimes I fill this fear that I'm constantly trying to bury that tells me that you don't now nor will you ever love me the way I love you.”

A Father's Need
“Alright my beautiful daughters I've called you 2 and if I knew Shelly's number it would b 3. I've texted u both to no avail. I know I ain't done right by y'all but I do love y'all and I need y'all in my life.

Ure probably saying fuck u old man u weren't there for us and I don’t blame u, but I'm askin and praying for forgiveness. I'd like to get to know y'all and my grand kids. I love u girls with all I am. I always have, but I'm an addict.

I can't say was because once u are, u always are, but u can lock it away and don’t feed it and it will loose its strength and shrivel up. It won't ever die, but eventually, to keep from dieing, it will find another food source.

I've found that mine likes love and god and family happiness peace and tranquility. I'm almost to a point where I can feed it 3 squares a day all I'm missing is family a couple of the others come with family will y'all help me?

I'd consider it an honor, the highest honor a man could assert on this earth. It took me a long time to write this... kept getting teared up and couldn’t see. I hope u understand what I'm trying to say. I love y'all. Good night, sleep with angels on ure pillow.”

Emotional Rollercoaster

“Sorry if I upset you today with my tears. I was just a little emotional from the pregnancy I guess. So many different changes for my body and the stress that’s all. Kind of stressed I've been in pain. Just need some relaxation and a clear mind. But most of all I need you and your support…Suffering from hemorrhoid and heart burn.”

Insecurities

“Sooooo, as far as my anxieties go….

I’m just afraid that I won’t be good enough. I’m afraid that I’m not pretty enough for you. Or sexy enough for you. Or interesting enough to hold onto your attention. I’m afraid that you won’t like my body. {{{I’m afraid that you’ll get bored and “wonder”.}}} I’m scared that once we introduce “outsiders” into our relationship you’ll change, and not “like” or want to be with me anymore. I’m SO scared that I’ll fail you in some way, and I think that’s because I want to be SO much for you, I want to be everything you want and more…I want to exceed any and all expectations you have {don’t get me wrong, I TOTALLY realize how I’m in a sense maybe setting myself up for failure…I know I’m not perfect}. I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m just scared.”

Lightening Speed

“Ok…see it's like this. When we first started "talking" or whatever we both expected this to be a casual short-lived relationship. At least I DID. But then before I knew it I fell for you (Hard and Fast). Suddenly I couldn't see my future (life) with anyone else…even a simple thought, a thought of having the life I wanted-dreamed of- with anyone besides you was frightening; unbearable, damn near impossible, and honestly it literally makes me sick to my stomach. That's right physically sickening. Simply terrifying.”

What's your take on love? Sound off in the comments below!

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