Color Me Kris: humor

Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

What's in my bag? A bunch of randomness really. I'm not a traditional purse carrying kind of gal, in fact the single purse that I own, I received complimentary with a Michael Kors perfume purchase. I tend to grab it on weekends, the time the kids are usually with me.

Here's a peek inside:

Pretty hideous right? The one thing that isn't pictured, is the small change purse that is always in the inside of the larger one as well. Here's a run down of everything.

Small Change Purse: Which is actually not a change purse at all, but yet another complimentary bag that came with a pair of Dr. Scholl's slippers. Hey don't judge me, it matched!

(This bag holds my ID's, CC's, cash, a hair pin, and my "tender treasures"). The treasures are money given to me by special people. I decided to keep it as a keepsake instead. I will share who they are from in another post.

Chapsticks: (2) EOS in flavors mint and pomegranate. (1) NYX tinted chapstick.

Lipstick: In shade Diamond Sparkle by NYX

Hand Sanitizer Spray: Everyone peppermint & Citrus. A must have.

Perfume Sample: Avon's "Little Black Dress". An old favorite perfume that they discontinued and recently bought back.

Paint Card: Sherwin Williams colors Amarryllis, Everything Pink, and Cachet Pink. Which I've taken the liberty of using to blot lipstick.

Pouch: Made From a Kangaroo's scrotum...yep seriously.

Ibuprofen: An entire bottle of 800mg Ibuprofen, which I got from the plug AKA my mother in law.

Advil: A small container of 200mg Advil.

Toy: My son collects figurines. One collection came with mermaid figures. He knows that "I am a mermaid" so he said that I needed to have them.

Nailpolish: NYX

Camera: My GoPro camera, the kids love to record

Perfume: Enchanted Wonderstruck by Taylor Swift (My current fav).

Candy: (3) Werther's Original in Coffee flavor. For those moments when I'm craving coffee while standing in line at a department store.

Music Box: It's a small music box, very similar to one I had when I was a kid. That one always calmed me, and I carry this one for the days I have extreme anxiety.

Human Body Parts: That's right, I just found my son's tooth in there. Clearly the tooth fairy should be fired!

Necklaces: An autism awareness necklace from Oriental Trading and a necklace with a camera pendant I got from my sister, Tiffany. I keep it with me, and sometimes put it on, just because I'm missing her.

Hair Ties: (6) Goody hair ties. Self explanatory.

Tea Bag: A random super large Tea bag, some Lady gave me as a sample to add to my bath. Its. Just.There.

Stamps: (12) Forever postage stamps, that look like they've been around "forever".

Cigar: A Black & Mild cigar in wine flavor. Because yes I have days, I enjoy a cigar.

Macaroons: (3) Pink Cuorenero Macaroons. Am I the only one that gets fancy hungry?

9 Volt Battery: Its from the evil smoke detector that almost gave me a heart attack, just to let me know it was time to change the battery....I saved it for the pacemaker I thought I might end up needing.

Cards: A pack of "Would You Rather" game cards, for when the kids get bored in the car or while we are out waiting somewhere.

Broken Pencil: A teeth marked, broken pencil. My son Jon gave it to me. Hey broken crayons still color and broken pencils still write.

Pen: An old work pen that I stole from my wife fair and square. I love the way it writes.

Change: $.88 cents (5) dimes, (3) nickels, (23) pennies

So tell me what's in your bag?

Keeps them the hell away!

Hey. How are you? Me, well...let's just say I've been better.

My wife and I both had dental appointments this morning. She went for a routine cleaning, I had visited a week prior, but was headed back to get two small cavities filled.

I hadn't had a cavity since I was a kid, so I couldn't recall the procedure in its entirety. My thoughts were if I survived then, it should be a breeze now.

Heck I'm in my 30's.... It can't be much different than filling a doughnut or cake right? Pretty simple concept.

My wife mumbles “You know they have to use a needle to numb you right?”

I replied “Whatever. They use topical. You're always trying to scare me, ugh.”

“Okay.”

We arrive at the office and I'm immediately called back by a smiling nurse. I comfortably take my seat in the examination chair. The nurse reclines my chair, recaps why I'm here, and mentions the topical numbing gel she would be applying (haha I knew it! I don't know why Kenya even messes with me).

As the sweet nurse is applying the gel, she utters “We're putting this on, so you don't feel the pinch from the needle as much.”

Wait what?! You evil nurse whore!

I can't handle needles!

It went downhill from there....

Here's a little song to explain further.

*Sung to the tune of the first day of Christmas*

On the 1^st day of dental my dentist gave to me a huge dose of an-xi-ety.

On the 2^nd day of dental my dentist gave to me 2 needle pokes and a huge dose of anxiety.

On the 3^rd day of dental my dentist gave to me 3 reactions to meds, 2 needle pokes, and a huge dose of anxiety.

On the 4^th day of dental my dentist gave to me 4 panic attacks, 3 reaction to meds, 2 needle pokes, and a huge dose of anxiety.

On the 5^th day of dental my dentist gave to me, 5 ma'am are you okaaaay's?!.... 4 panic attacks, 3 reactions to meds, 2 needle pokes and a huge dose of anxiety!

True Story.

How are you at the dentist?

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