how to better a marriage,
As individuals we are taught to think, do, and choose what's in our personal best interest. To be independent, to have a mind of our own. Sounds pretty accurate, right? But, what about in a marriage?
Now, by no means, am I proposing you give up who you are, but instead I'm suggesting that relationships may be more enjoyable when you begin to identify as a team. You know kind of like Sponge Bob and Patrick, mermaids and sailors, rum and coke...that kind of thing.
Though I don't claim to be an expert in marriage, life experiences have shown that of the countless couples I have met, there tends to be more difficulties in the relationships that have not mastered the art of "we".
A lot of times this can be in new relationships, but certainly not always. In fact, a couple that instantly came to mind have been married, a hell of a lot longer than I have (about 4 decades longer). That being said, this may not make or break marriages, but it certainly effects the quality of marriage.
What exactly is the "art of we"?
Well, I like to call it an art because it does take a bit of creative thinking and expression in order to tackle this skill. Simply put it just means working together as a team. Using terms like "we, our, us" versus "me, hers, mine". It doesn't stop there, to be frank its more of a lifestyle change. When your spouse has an issue (we have an issue). When there is a problem between the two of you, you attack the problem, not each other.
For example, you and your partner head out for an evening of shopping. When you return to your car, it is nowhere to be found. "We" couples will work together, one calling and filing the police report, the other reserving a rental car. Because this is an issue that happened to "them".
Take the same scenario: "I" couples begin to point fingers. "I told you, you should've locked the door." I don't know why you parked here, you should've parked where the area was lit." One of them is now upset, and the other is confused and left to feel it's their personal burden. Nothing is getting quickly resolved.
So how do you begin to implement this art?
Well, first I'd like to mention it takes patience, understanding, practice and did I mention patience?!
A good way to start would be to focus on the reasons you became a couple. Are you both into sports? Maybe have similar work interest? Enjoy the same hobbies? These things allow you to get thinking as a team.
Get each others opinions "Babe do you like the green or the blue shirt better?"
As you talk to friends make a mental note to use plural pronouns. "We just bought a new refrigerator".
Remember there's no I in team, but there's a "we" in wed.
Do you think this can effect a marriage? Why or why not? Sound off in the comments. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Marriage: The art of "We"
"We". It can be one of the most challenging expressions to implement in a marriage, all while attempting to relieve "I, me, and mine" from their prenuptial duties.As individuals we are taught to think, do, and choose what's in our personal best interest. To be independent, to have a mind of our own. Sounds pretty accurate, right? But, what about in a marriage?
Now, by no means, am I proposing you give up who you are, but instead I'm suggesting that relationships may be more enjoyable when you begin to identify as a team. You know kind of like Sponge Bob and Patrick, mermaids and sailors, rum and coke...that kind of thing.
Though I don't claim to be an expert in marriage, life experiences have shown that of the countless couples I have met, there tends to be more difficulties in the relationships that have not mastered the art of "we".
A lot of times this can be in new relationships, but certainly not always. In fact, a couple that instantly came to mind have been married, a hell of a lot longer than I have (about 4 decades longer). That being said, this may not make or break marriages, but it certainly effects the quality of marriage.
What exactly is the "art of we"?
Well, I like to call it an art because it does take a bit of creative thinking and expression in order to tackle this skill. Simply put it just means working together as a team. Using terms like "we, our, us" versus "me, hers, mine". It doesn't stop there, to be frank its more of a lifestyle change. When your spouse has an issue (we have an issue). When there is a problem between the two of you, you attack the problem, not each other.
For example, you and your partner head out for an evening of shopping. When you return to your car, it is nowhere to be found. "We" couples will work together, one calling and filing the police report, the other reserving a rental car. Because this is an issue that happened to "them".
Take the same scenario: "I" couples begin to point fingers. "I told you, you should've locked the door." I don't know why you parked here, you should've parked where the area was lit." One of them is now upset, and the other is confused and left to feel it's their personal burden. Nothing is getting quickly resolved.
So how do you begin to implement this art?
Well, first I'd like to mention it takes patience, understanding, practice and did I mention patience?!
A good way to start would be to focus on the reasons you became a couple. Are you both into sports? Maybe have similar work interest? Enjoy the same hobbies? These things allow you to get thinking as a team.
Get each others opinions "Babe do you like the green or the blue shirt better?"
As you talk to friends make a mental note to use plural pronouns. "We just bought a new refrigerator".
Remember there's no I in team, but there's a "we" in wed.
Do you think this can effect a marriage? Why or why not? Sound off in the comments. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
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