Color Me Kris

Hello my love,

It's Valentine's Day! Or as you refer to it: The day of hopeless romantics, day dreamers, and those who believe in fairy tales...Sure our fairytale is a bit unconventional (like prince charming, being a princess), but as you know, I'm whole-heartedly a believer. What I'm trying to say is, you've bought something magical to my life, that wasn't there before (insert singing tea kettle), and this letter is long overdue.

I remember the day we met, you strolled into my classroom, feet dragging, shoe laces untied. You were wearing those fresh wheat Timbs, that had me drooling...my God they were so sexy on you!

We became friends, but there was was this undeniable chemistry we both felt, a connection so powerful we had to come up with our own word. Dessesbo. Obsessed spelled backwards. Before we knew it we were throwing our current lovers out and building a relationship of our own (see, unconventional at its finest) :)

Baby do you remember our first Valentine's day? It was the first holiday we shared together, (before all the crazy stuff) we had only been dating maybe 3 weeks at the most. At that point, all I knew was that you liked dolphins. I had no idea what to get you, but I knew I wanted to do more than a teddy bear and balloons. I wanted to personalize your gift. Dolphins...Jessica and I walked that packed mall the entire day, in and out of every single store and couldn't find anything suitable as a gift, with dolphins on it.

We were about to call it a night when we spotted one last store we hadn't gone in. It was actually a store I'd never even seen, kind of strange, but what the heck. We took a look around, nothing caught our eye. We walked to the back of the store and on the bottom shelf sat a lamp, a dolphin lamp. I squealed in excitement and she looked at me like I was crazy. Clearly all my logical thinking was out of the window at this point. I said ”Its dolphins she'll love it”! I smiled ear to ear, proudly handing over my $80 dollars for this small lamp with 2 fish on it.

The next morning, I bought my gift over to you, and to my surprise you handed me a gift first. It was an silver Burberry watch and some expensive perfume. My heart started raising, I wasn't expecting something of this caliber, being our relationship was so new. I was now traumatized to hell about giving you my gift.

I reluctantly handed you the gift bag and you pulled out the lamp. You looked it over, smiled and said “Thanks, that's sweet.” I knew in the back of my mind you hated it, but you never showed it. You said you'd plug it in when you got home. Face palm moment, I hope you have a spare light bulb.

That was a decade ago today. I've conjured up many more emotionally impelled decisions since then. But you've been there to guide me through the worst of them and support me through the not so crazy, crazy ones (like the obsessively transforming our bonus room into a bed and breakfast, then a childcare center, then a photography studio).

You've encouraged me and helped me grow in countless ways. One of them, when I was terrified to ride on the interstate. You comforted me and assured me it wasn't nearly as bad as it seemed. You took time out several days in a row, making unnecessary trips to my job, just so I could tail you on the interstate, learn the route and feel safe and at ease.

I am capable, more confident, and more driven than at any other point in my life and I that is largely because of you.

I admire your hard work and dedication, how you provide for our family, and how you don't seem to fear anything and even if you do, you push through it courageously.

Fairy tales may not exist, but love sure makes a difference in the world and you and our family make all the difference in my life. Every time I lay eyes on you, I see a remarkable woman with so many dimensions-those of strength, courage, and loyalty.

Baby I can't wait to finish raising our family, then setting out together on our traveling adventures. Vegas here we come!! Happy Valentine's day to the lady that is the best part of my past and all of my future.

Love you forever,

Kris                                   

                                                                    *Names have been changed to maintain privacy

  

Roll With It

 “I was so surprised when you were surprised that I said I would marry you! I love you so much, and why wouldn’t I want to be your wife? I mean sure there have been some WAY unconventional things that have “happened” during the course of our relationship, but uhm….we roll with the punches, right?”

Questioning It All

 "I just have so many emotions running through my mind, my heart, my entire body and I don’t know what to do with them. How do you feel? Like sometimes it seems like you’re just in “whatever” mode, like it’s whatever, and nothing bothers you. I mean do you have worries? Do you have fears? Do you have doubts?"

Love Sick

 “The words you said felt like someone pulling a trigger point blank range into my heart. I loved you and I loved you HARD. With my mind, my body and my soul.

Bre, I never in a million years would have thought you would betray me to this level. You slept with him in the bed we make love in, how did it feel? You knew how I already felt about him, and you could let someone like this inside you? You could let him touch you? That shit sickens me.

I have done some fucked up things, but never ever ever like this, I could never imagine hurting you to this extinct. I hope your decision was worth it.....fucking sickening.”

My Only Fear  

 "The only thing in this world that I fear is losing you teddy bear, I love you soo much and you’re a blessing in my life….I see so much good in you and I want you to take all your strength and put it into making our life purposeful and I will do the same.”

Unbreakable

 “I know u and I share a love that's unbreakable...kinda like that Alisha Keys song. I miss you and I miss us listening to slow jams holding each other, dancing in your room. Those little moments mean so much to me. I remember one night when I cried while we were doing that...simply out of love. You bring out emotions in me I have never felt with anyone, and I doubt I will ever feel again...I love you so much and can't wait to kiss you.”

  

  Maybe

 “I know that this entire situation is just a ton of "what if's" and "maybe's" . You don't know what it is, therefore you can't give me any assurances. But I know that because I feel about and love you the way I do…I can NOT just walk away. I can NOT turn back on this or you, because doing so would be signifying me condemning myself to an entire life of "WHAT IF" or "WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN".

So instead I decide to stick around (as long as you will keep me), stick it out, and see where this path leads me. I owe it to myself. And if in the process I get hurt and get my heart broken then so- be- it… I'd rather have to pick myself up and piece me back together than to be a quitter and possibly miss out on the chance of a lifetime…being you wife.”

Bad Idea

 “Damn, we fell off badly. It's crazy how I haven't heard your voice in so long. I apologize for not calling, but you said if I didn't, you would. I decided to test you. Bad idea...BUT the main point of me writing this was too say I miss you. I hope your doing okay. I just couldn't go another day with out trying to talk to you.”

*Names have been changed to maintain privacy.



  



Ure probably saying fuck u old man u weren't there for us and I don’t blame u, but I'm askin and praying for forgiveness. I'd like to get to know y'all and my grand kids. I love u girls with all I am. I always have, but I'm an addict.

I can't say was because once u are, u always are, but u can lock it away and don’t feed it and it will loose its strength and shrivel up. It won't ever die, but eventually, to keep from dieing, it will find another food source.

I've found that mine likes love and god and family happiness peace and tranquility. I'm almost to a point where I can feed it 3 squares a day all I'm missing is family a couple of the others come with family will y'all help me?

I'd consider it an honor, the highest honor a man could assert on this earth. It took me a long time to write this... kept getting teared up and couldn’t see. I hope u understand what I'm trying to say. I love y'all. Good night, sleep with angels on ure pillow.”

 Emotional Rollercoaster

 “Sorry if I upset you today with my tears. I was just a little emotional from the pregnancy I guess. So many different changes for my body and the stress that’s all. Kind of stressed I've been in pain. Just need some relaxation and a clear mind. But most of all I need you and your support…Suffering from hemorrhoid and heart burn.”

Insecurities

 “Sooooo, as far as my anxieties go….

I’m just afraid that I won’t be good enough. I’m afraid that I’m not pretty enough for you. Or sexy enough for you. Or interesting enough to hold onto your attention. I’m afraid that you won’t like my body. {{{I’m afraid that you’ll get bored and “wonder”.}}} I’m scared that once we introduce “outsiders” into our relationship you’ll change, and not “like” or want to be with me anymore. I’m SO scared that I’ll fail you in some way, and I think that’s because I want to be SO much for you, I want to be everything you want and more…I want to exceed any and all expectations you have {don’t get me wrong, I TOTALLY realize how I’m in a sense maybe setting myself up for failure…I know I’m not perfect}. I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m just scared.”

Lightening Speed

“Ok…see it's like this. When we first started "talking" or whatever we both expected this to be a casual short-lived relationship. At least I DID. But then before I knew it I fell for you (Hard and Fast). Suddenly I couldn't see my future (life) with anyone else…even a simple thought, a thought of having the life I wanted-dreamed of- with anyone besides you was frightening; unbearable, damn near impossible, and honestly it literally makes me sick to my stomach. That's right physically sickening. Simply terrifying.”

 What's your take on love? Sound off in the comments below!

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