Family,
I recently wrote a post, that may have come across insensitive (I've now placed it on private). At the moment I was hurting like hell. As most of you know, I wear my heart on my sleeve and often times focus on what I'm feeling versus the logicality of things. I don't want anyone to assume I don't care about the person that was mentioned. As I tried to make clear, my post was not about her, but more about my own personal grief.
Grief is a terrible, horrible, thing that I wish upon no one. I miss Tasha beyond measure, and my heart continues to break for her parents, her daughter and her fiance. She was an only child but we were sisters.
I'm usually a very forgiving person. I believe in second chances. I've been through a lot in my life and I've made mistakes. I'm not perfect, I've hurt people. Some who have forgiven me and some who've chosen to let go. And that's okay.
Recently though, I've been battling with this forgiveness thing. Since Tasha's death, I have begin to view the world differently. Life is too short. We've all heard it. But it takes on a new meaning when it hits so close to home.
Now some of you may think, if you feel that way, it should be easy to forgive and forget. But the truth is, it's not. I don't know if it's because I'm still stuck in the grieving process, but I feel numb. I feel more like I have zero tolerance for nonsense. I'm getting to old for it. Life is too short to allow people to sabotage the quality of life. This time it's about me.
Believe it or not, that previous sentence was hard to type. I'm constantly thinking of others, constantly doing for others...At the end of the day, I feel used up by those who take, take, take, but never add to the pot. I've been hurt several times in a matter of months. I don't use "hurt" lightly. There's a big difference between mad and hurt. I don't deal well with hurt...
Is it me or does it seem today's generation has an extreme lack of empathy? People do whatever they want and then drop an "I'm sorry", and you're suppose to smile like nothing happened. News Flash: My heart ain't set up like that.
This might sound crazy, but sometimes, if feels like because there is now physical distance between my family and I, it's causing emotional distance as well. Its like they're stepping on my toes more, thinking it doesn't hurt as bad, because they can't see me crying. Thankfully, they make steel toe boots.
I suppose I'll strap on a pair, then give the rest to God and this Tennessee whiskey....
Thursday Thoughts...
Grief is a terrible, horrible, thing that I wish upon no one. I miss Tasha beyond measure, and my heart continues to break for her parents, her daughter and her fiance. She was an only child but we were sisters.
I'm usually a very forgiving person. I believe in second chances. I've been through a lot in my life and I've made mistakes. I'm not perfect, I've hurt people. Some who have forgiven me and some who've chosen to let go. And that's okay.
Recently though, I've been battling with this forgiveness thing. Since Tasha's death, I have begin to view the world differently. Life is too short. We've all heard it. But it takes on a new meaning when it hits so close to home.
Now some of you may think, if you feel that way, it should be easy to forgive and forget. But the truth is, it's not. I don't know if it's because I'm still stuck in the grieving process, but I feel numb. I feel more like I have zero tolerance for nonsense. I'm getting to old for it. Life is too short to allow people to sabotage the quality of life. This time it's about me.
Believe it or not, that previous sentence was hard to type. I'm constantly thinking of others, constantly doing for others...At the end of the day, I feel used up by those who take, take, take, but never add to the pot. I've been hurt several times in a matter of months. I don't use "hurt" lightly. There's a big difference between mad and hurt. I don't deal well with hurt...
Is it me or does it seem today's generation has an extreme lack of empathy? People do whatever they want and then drop an "I'm sorry", and you're suppose to smile like nothing happened. News Flash: My heart ain't set up like that.
This might sound crazy, but sometimes, if feels like because there is now physical distance between my family and I, it's causing emotional distance as well. Its like they're stepping on my toes more, thinking it doesn't hurt as bad, because they can't see me crying. Thankfully, they make steel toe boots.
I suppose I'll strap on a pair, then give the rest to God and this Tennessee whiskey....
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